WITZE für Jeden!!!
- Ersteller Chlorgas
- Erstellt am
stefanie-snoopy
GOLDEN TRAXE
Original von Lemming
wie ich dir u.A. schon bestätigt habe
genau
stefanie-snoopy
GOLDEN TRAXE
stefanie-snoopy
GOLDEN TRAXE
jo du sollst ja auch mal lachen können =)
Genau, eine Frau die dich zum lachen bringt 8o
Auch wenn ich Deine Traumfrau nicht bin
stefanie-snoopy
GOLDEN TRAXE
Milan0
Moderator a.D.
Gespräch zwischen Mann und Frau vor der Hochzeit: ...
...
Er: "Na endlich, ich habe schon so lange gewartet!"
Sie: "Möchtest du, dass ich gehe?
Er: "Nein! Wie kommst du darauf? Schon die Vorstellung ist schrecklich für mich!"
Sie: "Liebst du mich?"
Er: "Natürlich! Zu jeder Tages- und Nachtzeit!"
Sie: "Hast du mich jemals betrogen?"
Er: "Nein! Niemals! Warum fragst du das?"
Sie: "Willst du mich küssen?"
Er: "Ja, jedes Mal, wenn ich Gelegenheit dazu habe!"
Sie: "Würdest du mich jemals schlagen?"
Er: "Bist du wahnsinnig? Du weißt doch wie ich bin!"
Sie: "Kann ich dir voll vertrauen?"
Er: "Ja."
Sie: "Mein Schatzi!"
Sieben Jahre nach der Hochzeit:
Text einfach nur von unten nach oben lesen!
...
Er: "Na endlich, ich habe schon so lange gewartet!"
Sie: "Möchtest du, dass ich gehe?
Er: "Nein! Wie kommst du darauf? Schon die Vorstellung ist schrecklich für mich!"
Sie: "Liebst du mich?"
Er: "Natürlich! Zu jeder Tages- und Nachtzeit!"
Sie: "Hast du mich jemals betrogen?"
Er: "Nein! Niemals! Warum fragst du das?"
Sie: "Willst du mich küssen?"
Er: "Ja, jedes Mal, wenn ich Gelegenheit dazu habe!"
Sie: "Würdest du mich jemals schlagen?"
Er: "Bist du wahnsinnig? Du weißt doch wie ich bin!"
Sie: "Kann ich dir voll vertrauen?"
Er: "Ja."
Sie: "Mein Schatzi!"
Sieben Jahre nach der Hochzeit:
Text einfach nur von unten nach oben lesen!
H
HATHOR
Guest
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
In Berlin wurde ein neuer Magnet-Resonanz-Tomograf in Betrieb genommen,
mit dem man auch kleinste Strukturen darstellen kann.
Als erste Probantin hat man Paris H. in das Gerät geschoben, um das Gehirn zu untersuchen.
Man hat die Untersuchung nach 5 Minuten abgebrochen, weil man das Objekt nicht finden konnte.
In Berlin wurde ein neuer Magnet-Resonanz-Tomograf in Betrieb genommen,
mit dem man auch kleinste Strukturen darstellen kann.
Als erste Probantin hat man Paris H. in das Gerät geschoben, um das Gehirn zu untersuchen.
Man hat die Untersuchung nach 5 Minuten abgebrochen, weil man das Objekt nicht finden konnte.
H
HATHOR
Guest
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
Warum schiebt eine Blondine Fotos in ihr Notebook?
Na, weil das hier steht:
7730G Tutorial für NHC! Lüfter leise machen! mit Bildern!
Warum schiebt eine Blondine Fotos in ihr Notebook?
Na, weil das hier steht:
7730G Tutorial für NHC! Lüfter leise machen! mit Bildern!
H
HATHOR
Guest
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
Blondine: Was muss ich drücken, um in's Internet zu kommen?
Antwort: Beide Daumen.
Blondine: Was muss ich drücken, um in's Internet zu kommen?
Antwort: Beide Daumen.
Lemming
Wüstentier
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Head Hunter was tragically hit by a bus and he died. His soul arrived up in heaven where he was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Head Hunter make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the man "Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and he found himself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of him were all his friends - fellow executives that he had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for him. They ran up and kissed him on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where he enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. he met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute ;-) and he had a great time telling jokes and dancing. he was having such a good time that before he knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook his hand and waved goodbye as he got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for him.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So he spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. He had great time and before he knew it his 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got him. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The man paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and again he went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened he found himself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. He saw his friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to him and put his arm around him. "I don't understand," stammered the man, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at him, smiled and told... "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Head Hunter was tragically hit by a bus and he died. His soul arrived up in heaven where he was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Head Hunter make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the man.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the man "Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and he found himself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of him were all his friends - fellow executives that he had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for him. They ran up and kissed him on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where he enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. he met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute ;-) and he had a great time telling jokes and dancing. he was having such a good time that before he knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook his hand and waved goodbye as he got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for him.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So he spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. He had great time and before he knew it his 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got him. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity," The man paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted him to the elevator and again he went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened he found himself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. He saw his friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to him and put his arm around him. "I don't understand," stammered the man, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at him, smiled and told... "Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"
Lemming
Wüstentier
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
Während zwei Jungs in einem Park Fußball
spielen wird der eine plötzlich von einem
Rottweiler angegriffen und ins Bein
gebissen.
Der andere Junge nimmt sofort einen Stock,
steckt ihn in das Halsband des Hundes und
während er den Stock so dreht, bricht er der
Bestie das Genick, welche darauf das Bein
endlich los lässt.
Ein Journalist, der das Geschehen gerade
verfolgt hat, rennt sofort zu dem Jungen um
ihn zu interviewen und schreibt in sein
Notebook:
"Mainz05- Fan" rettet
durch Heldentat seinen Kollegen, der von
einer wilden Bestie angegriffen worden
ist"
Junge: "Aber ich bin doch gar kein
"Mainz05-Fan"
Reporter schreibt : "FCK- Fan"
befreit Kollege
von einem Hundebiss"
Junge spricht: "Aber ich bin auch kein
Lautern-Fan..."
Reporter spricht: "Ja für welche
Mannschaft bist du dann??"
Junge: "Eintracht Frankfurt"
Reporter schreibt: "Asozialer
Hesse erwürgt Welpen!
Während zwei Jungs in einem Park Fußball
spielen wird der eine plötzlich von einem
Rottweiler angegriffen und ins Bein
gebissen.
Der andere Junge nimmt sofort einen Stock,
steckt ihn in das Halsband des Hundes und
während er den Stock so dreht, bricht er der
Bestie das Genick, welche darauf das Bein
endlich los lässt.
Ein Journalist, der das Geschehen gerade
verfolgt hat, rennt sofort zu dem Jungen um
ihn zu interviewen und schreibt in sein
Notebook:
"Mainz05- Fan" rettet
durch Heldentat seinen Kollegen, der von
einer wilden Bestie angegriffen worden
ist"
Junge: "Aber ich bin doch gar kein
"Mainz05-Fan"
Reporter schreibt : "FCK- Fan"
befreit Kollege
von einem Hundebiss"
Junge spricht: "Aber ich bin auch kein
Lautern-Fan..."
Reporter spricht: "Ja für welche
Mannschaft bist du dann??"
Junge: "Eintracht Frankfurt"
Reporter schreibt: "Asozialer
Hesse erwürgt Welpen!
Lemming
Wüstentier
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and tells them: 'Itsa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro!'
'Vot do you mean, it's illegal?' asks the German driver.
'Quattro means four!' replies the Italian official.
'Quattro iz just ze name of ze automobile' the Germans retort unbelievingly.'Look at ze dam paperz: Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!'
'You canta pulla thata one on me!' replies the Italian customs officer. 'Quattro means four. You havea five-a people ina your car and you are therefore breaking the law!'
The German replies angrily 'You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over! Schnell! I vant to spik to zumvun viz more intelligence!!!'
'Sorry' respondes the Italian,'He canta comea ... He'sa buzy with a two guys in a Fiat Uno.'
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian customs officer stops them and tells them: 'Itsa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro!'
'Vot do you mean, it's illegal?' asks the German driver.
'Quattro means four!' replies the Italian official.
'Quattro iz just ze name of ze automobile' the Germans retort unbelievingly.'Look at ze dam paperz: Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!'
'You canta pulla thata one on me!' replies the Italian customs officer. 'Quattro means four. You havea five-a people ina your car and you are therefore breaking the law!'
The German replies angrily 'You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over! Schnell! I vant to spik to zumvun viz more intelligence!!!'
'Sorry' respondes the Italian,'He canta comea ... He'sa buzy with a two guys in a Fiat Uno.'
Dawn_Morgan
Neuer Benutzer
AW: WITZE für Jeden!!!
Der is gut Lemming
Hat mir gerade den Tag gerettet
Der is gut LemmingHat mir gerade den Tag gerettet